Lucky One: I Found a Way Out of Substance Abuse

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This young lady contacted our office to help get a Juvenile Court warrant recalled and to terminate jurisdiction over her. The court recalled the warrant, terminated probation, and left the door open for her to petition the court at a later time to seal her juvenile records. She kindly consented to tell her story to help other young people who are struggling with drug and substance abuses. These are her exact words. Please share her story with whoever may be struggling with drugs and substance abuse.

“No one said life was going to be easy. No one should expect you to be perfect. We are all different. That’s how we were meant to be. We all learn differently. Some never learn at all. I was one of the lucky ones. I found a way out. I found an escape; not in a drink, not in a drug, not in a relationship, but within myself. I learned to move on.

Life waits for no one. It just keeps going on with or without you, whether or not you want to be happy. You have to want it. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t even know who I was. I just know I became what I hated my entire life because I hid the fact that I was hiding.

I blame myself. But I got out by doing so. You can’t keep blaming other people for the choices you have made. It doesn’t help you, and it doesn’t change anything.

It started when I was very young. Being a girl, I had no dad growing up, which ultimately made it that much harder for me becoming a woman. Growing up I was confused, bitter, and desperate for love in all the wrong places. It brought me to boys instead of men. A man can be any age. It doesn’t matter. It takes a man to know how to treat a woman. I was always getting hurt and I didn’t know why. I continued to blame everyone but myself for the troubles I got into with other boys. Eventually I got tired of feeling alone and found other things to keep myself busy. Little did I know but my ultimate challenge was waiting for me down the road.

I had used drug after drug after drug. Eventually that time finally came and I had met Her. She was everything to me. She had saved me from everyone and everything, except myself. Her name was heroin. I had finally known the true meaning of love. She made things easy for me. No more hurt, no more pain, no more emotion, no more anything. Until I found myself sleeping in jacuzzis to keep warm, having cops after me left and right, and ultimately death. I had my friend revive me because I had slammed too much for my sad, weak body to handle. I loved it. I had finally felt nothing. I was free. That didn’t even wake me up from my addiction. I just kept using.

Throughout this time, I was constantly in and out of Juvenile Hall. I had my first encounter with jail in late 2011. I was sent for a few weeks because of a dirty drug test that had come back for heroin. Once I had gotten out, probation decided to send me to rehab. It took me two days and I ran. I packed my bags and officially became a refugee. I was tired of running away. I was tired of trying to find who I was through drugs. This wasn’t what happened. Where did I go wrong? This isn’t what I planned. I had become what I feared my entire life.

I decided I wanted to start over. I wanted to the person I wished I was years ago. So I got a ticket and took the Greyhound across all 5 states to Florida. I stayed there 3 months. Being clean away from everyone and everything. I once knew it felt too good to be true. It was nothing I had expected because this time, I tried. I wanted it more that anything in the world. I had I would let it ride and not do anything rash. finally come to a decision to leave Florida and move to Texas with a guardian that had helped support me. With the help of his wife, I slowly started to feel like myself again. Unfortunately, I was never able to have my childhood back again; but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t re-live a new one. Yes, I had become pregnant. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I had quit everything from cigarettes, to caffeine, to anything that could negatively affect my son. I wanted the best for him. I wanted to give him everything beneficial I thought possible, I had become a good mom. So in order to be able to tell him one day that mommy had done mistakes, I want to also let him know that I went back to fix what I had caused.

Everyone should learn from their mistakes. It’s how things work in the real world. You can’t keep running. Eventually there will come a time when people realize that it’s time to grow up. Don’t be left astray because it’s never to late. Ever.”

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